Monday, February 25, 2013

Las HabladurĂ­as

     This is a conversation that happened between me and a lady who lives in my building as she was in the elevator with me:

Her: You know you can throw that trash in the compactor on your floor you don't have to go all the way down to the basement.

Me: Yeah, I know but I have recycling too.

Her: Oh, your garbage stinks do you have babies?

Me: No, a cat. A real stinky cat.

Her: Okay, you have a nice day.

Me: You too.

On its own this is a really dumb elevator conversation, but impressive in one. I was speaking English and she was speaking Spanish. I walked away feeling pretty good about myself. I was happy that people of all races creeds and languages can still communicate with Adam Sokol in a fluid and friendly matter. My friendly face transcends cultural and language barriers. I don't speak Spanish though. For all I know she was telling me if I ever stank up the elevator again she would throw me in the trash compactor. Either way.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Resolve of Steel, Gym of Iron

I got robbed. While my wife and I were gone people took a lot of things from our apartment. Among the things that were taken from me was my sense of security, my feeling of worth as a man, and my Iron Gym. For those of you not in the know Iron Gym is not just a door frame mounted pull up bar, but a total body solution that mounts onto any door frame. I don’t know why, but I’m pretty angry about the Iron Gym, and it’s not because it was my favorite thing by a long shot. Anyone who has seen me in short sleeves would know I’m not addicted to working out. Actually you’d probably be pretty surprised that I, not only own an Iron Gym, but have moved that thing to two different apartments. The amount of shit I've thrown away before each move is a lot, but every time Iron Gym has made the cut only to be (easily) mounted to a new door frame and then promptly neglected.

Have you seen me?

For some reason the fact that the Iron Gym is now gone has caused me to go through some reflection about the time we did, and all the time we didn’t spend together. Among the first things I thought when I realized it was gone was “if only.” If only I’d spent more time sculpting myself with Iron Gym then I wouldn’t be the kind of person who gets robbed. I’ve seen the guy from the commercial he doesn't look like a dude who fucks around. He would never get his Iron Gym stolen, he’s the kind of guy who can steal an Iron Gym or two, but he wouldn’t because Iron Gym practitioners are a noble people.

With bitchin' lats comes great responsibility

When someone come into your home it makes you feel pretty weak. And I think that’s why I’ve focused so much on my Iron Gym. I imagine the jerk who came into my home setting up and using my Iron Gym. He’ll probably stick to the program that comes with it, because even though he’s a criminal he probably has a better work ethic than I do. And he’s getting stronger. And with each passing day becoming more like the kind of person who can wantonly take things from people like me. Until of course I get my hands on the new Iron Gym Xtreme that is.

Watch out mother fuckers!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Here We Go Again!

     Okay, two years is a long time to go without updating a blog. I will be the first to admit that that's pretty much unacceptable. I thought about just deleting the previous two posts closing that dark chapter of my life and going on as if nothing ever happened. I signed in to do just that and I was struck by a number. It was the number two. That wasn't referring to the number of posts I had written since I started this, no it was referring to the number of views I had this month. I thought of both those poor sad souls who have checked this blog either accidentally or because they were me and were wondering if it had been deleted due to inactivity, and I knew I couldn't just let this fade away. So I'm back in the blogging business. I'd like to hope with a little bit more regularity, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.