Friday, March 29, 2013

The ABCs of Misery

I have a few jobs. That makes it sound like I work a lot harder than I actually do, but technically it’s true. One of the many hats I wear is a shirt. A polo shirt I have to wear as part of a uniform at a retail establishment. Working retail is not something that I would necessarily recommend. But if you find yourself looking for work in the retail sector chances are you’ve defied your guidance counselor more than a few times. That being said if you are looking for work in the retail rector I would recommend avoiding any retail job that has you dealing with both the public and things that are alphabetized. CDs, DVDs, or books. Nothing on this earth will have you lose faith in humanity quicker than seeing how the average person responds to things in alphabetical order. Which is not well.

The biggest problem you’ll run into is a problem in any job, and that’s that people are lazy. People look at a whole section of DVDs and they just want to give up. It’s hard enough to find out what genre House Party 2 is going to be filed in, and now I actually have to find the letter it goes after, the letter it comes before and look in between them! Unacceptable! More people than I can count just bypass the whole section and will walk up to me asking if we have a movie or CD. At first I assumed they’d tried to look for it and just couldn’t find it. I would look up whatever it was they were looking for and see that we had oodles of them. I would walk over to wherever it was (properly) filed and see a neat stack of them exactly where they should be. I then will hand it to them and sometimes that still isn’t enough. I would go to hand it to them, and I would then expected to walk them to a register as to avoid them having to carry this heavy piece of media. For the record I don’t ever do that. They get it handed to them. If they don’t want to carry it I will put it back, and the cycle begins anew. 

This poor bastard is the first thing that comes up under lazy

Another common problem is that people expect everyone to have the same shitty taste they do. Media products aren’t quite the focus of most stores anymore, so most stores don’t have a whole lot of them. What they carry is what the most amount of people are going to be looking for. That makes sense to everyone until you tell them you don’t have or don’t carry whatever it is they’re looking for. The worst offenders of this are Downton Abbey fans. If a season (or I’m sorry “a session”) of that show has just come out, we’ll probably have it. Shortly thereafter we won’t have it. If you just discovered it and want all sessions to catch up you have to look elsewhere. No amount of arguing will make it appear out of nowhere. A common followup is always, “oh, you must be soldout.” To which I reply, “nope.” Sometimes if I’m feeling shitty I’ll say “I guess not enough people like it for us to carry.” At which point they have to open my eyes. Evidently EVERYONE LOVES this show. I’m sure a lot of people do love it, but you loving a show does not mean everyone loves a show. It’s on PBS for Christ’s sake. Yes, it’s the most watched show on PBS just as I’m the tallest person who lives in my apartment. I don’t assume I must be the tallest person on earth because of that. Some people don’t realize that their book club is not a statistically sound sample to conclude 100% of people adore something. 

Have you sen me? Probably not, because I'm on PBS and I suck

Also people are animals. People will stroll through the media section pick out anywhere between fifteen dollars and a million dollars worth of CDs and DVDs and then decide that they don’t want any of them. At which point they will do whatever the fuck they want to with them. This leads to another problem because if someone looks on the computer and it says we have a certain title, they expect to find it. If we only have one and it’s not alphabetized I have to suggest they look anywhere from here to the garbage can in the men’s room. People are usually not happy about this. I don't have to put them back so I don't really care.

Well, now that I've picked all these out I think I'll throw them into the air and run giggling from this establishment

People are lonely. These are the most common, the most frustrating, and the hardest group to hate. Listen, I understand that the world is a lonely place. It can be hard to make friends. But if you find yourself without anyone in this world could you please get either a cat or a gun. Don’t assume because I work at a place that sells DVDs I would like to discuss every DVD. It's almost always old men and they're almost always are trying to convince me something is a “classic.” The thing is I don’t care. If I’m alone in my department not talking to a soul, I’m not lonely I’m zoning out. Which is my favorite thing to do at work. I don’t have a retail job because I love having inane chitchat with strangers. I work retail because I didn’t have money, and they were willing to give me some every other week. If I could find a job zoning out I would take it in a second. I have a cup of coffee and I’m staring I don’t really want to discuss the relative merits of every fucking movie you’ve seen ever. Also Crash is not a classic. I don’t care how many Oscars it won (too many) Crash sucks. And we don't carry it anyhow.

Well that about does it. That's most the reasons working at a place where things are alphabetized sucks, and join me next time for why working at a place where things are alphabetized is GREAT!

1 comment:

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