Denial Of Claim
Dear Mr. Randall T. Carrington:
We have received your claim regarding your recent overnight stay at the Wikked Medical Center. We as the insurance underwriters evaluate the facts and circumstances of your case and have to deny your claim.
For starters; as we have provided you with a list of supported doctors and approved medical institutions the fact that you chose to seek treatment from an unapproved medical facility is basis enough for us to deny your claim. More puzzling still is that you chose to seek treatment from an institution such as the Wikked Medical Center. A hospital that, from we can gather, is nothing more than a cheap motel room with a skeleton hanging in the corner for affect.
Though I’m sure the condition of "prolonged boner syndrome” sounds quite uncomfortable to have, it is not something we generally approve overnight stays for. In fact recent medical literature suggests that PBS is not even a real condition. It turns out you may have just had a run of the mill erection. Since no treatment would have been needed to alleviate such a condition, we also will have to reject any claim related to the treatment thereof. Even if a prolonged stay in the hospital was a necessary precaution the treatment used by your doctor were both highly unorthodox and extremely unsanitary to do in a medical setting.
On the matter of your physician that night. We regret to inform you that from what we can tell Dr. Linda Suxxx is not even a certified physician. Let alone a specialist in the field of PBS. We are sorry to inform you that you were just sold snake oil (however the fact that she offered to “drain your snake of it’s oil” should have been an indicator as to seek treatment elsewhere). From what we have been able to ascertain she is not even old enough to have attended medical school and finished a residency as she appears to be barely eighteen. Furthermore this suspicion was confirmed when we were able to find out she is still enrolled in a local college. Her college, Wikked University (no affiliation to Wikked Medical Center) does not even have a medical program for her to be enrolled in.
We do appreciate your continued patronage, and we look forward to serving you for years to come. I am terribly sorry to have to deny your claim, and hope this doesn’t cause you any undue stress or aggravate your condition. This is not something we as a company take lightly and if there is anything I can do to help please let me know. And I mean anything.
Naughty Insurance Providers