Thursday, May 15, 2014

Young People: Sucking Until The End Of Time

A number of years ago I was in college. The ivy covered walls of The Oakland Community College Royal Oak Campus is where is I would spend my days getting filled with knowledge until after a number of years I learned all that there was to learn. So I left. No degrees, but a brain crammed with learning. I would go from class to class soaking up all there was to soak up, then leaving. Usually with a passing grade. I knew I was getting to the end of what would be my college years when I took my only  psychology class. I seemed to have had it figured out pretty quickly so I didn’t want to waste any time with another one. I remember the day I realized I had psychology pretty well figured out. My teacher held up a quote about young people and asked if we agreed with it. Here's the quote:



Well do you think that's true? When the professor, or the guy with the minimum teaching qualifications for OCC, asked who thought that quote was true nearly everyone agreed with it. Their thought was that kids are worse now than they’ve ever been and if they continue on this path that we’re all doomed, because these wild disrespectful idiots will be in charge and they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. God help us all. I was the only person who disagreed with the statement. When I was asked why, I said that’s always the way the previous generation has felt and that it’s never been true, it’s just been how we’ve thought about the next generation and that old folks always overreact about the generation that comes after them.  Then the guy who taught the class told us when the quote was from and who said it:

Boom! Y'all been professored!
See it's a two thousand year old quote from Socrates. So even though this wasn’t a test and was worth no credit, I was the most correct and of course the smartest.

 What I’ve since learned is that we were all wrong. The people who agreed with the quote were wrong for a lot of reasons. They were wrong just for their shear wrongness, and also they were wrong because come on. How the hell did they not see that was a setup. Why the hell would a professor show a quote without attribution like that if he's not trying to fuck with us and teach us a lesson? I mean for Christ's sake, he's a teacher at a community college. This whole "bait and switch learn to think a little critically" is the only trick he has up his sleeve. He's done a variation of this every damn week. You should fail just for not seeing this coming from a mile away.

My teacher was wrong for trying to get a bunch of community college students to think critically. That’s obviously not going to happen. I can’t tell you definitively whether or not the next generation is fucked, but this class at OCC is pretty well lost. Just make us watch One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, write a paper, then send us off to get our stupid general studies associates degrees and into a world we're in no way prepared for.

The wrongest person was me. Because the quote is true. Not in the way Socrates meant it, or in the way my other community college alum meant it, but it’s true. Socrates thought that kids were getting worse and worse and would just continue to do so until society collapsed. Which is wrong, but he was right in that kids suck. Kids have always sucked and kids will always suck. That’s always been the case and it will always been the case. Young people are the reason that we're up to Scary Movie 5. Kids are always the shittiest. If someone just smashes your mailbox it probably wasn’t an old person. It's the young that want you do vote for Ralph Nader, and Old people don't start shitty punk bands, that's the youth of today. Not the Youth Of Today, but today's youth. Youth Of Today was started by yesterday's youth. The band like the kids that started it, of course, sucked.

Not what I was talking about, but sucks regardless. 
But kids usually grow up and become boring people who are worried about the future of kids. That’s the natural order of things. You just have to try to keep them from killing people or for like twenty five years and then at the outset they have their own dumb kids and worry about those idiots. So I guess I left college a little prematurely, but of course I did. That was wrong the wrong thing to do, and I was a dumb kid.

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