|Serenity circa 2013|
Last summer on our way to work we saw a dead guy being fished out of a river. It was the first time I saw a dead guy in the wild. If you haven't it's pretty gross. I watched naked dude get fished out of the river then I went and worked an eight hour shift at Best Buy. It was a solid day.
There have been numerous interactions with rats. I’ve run over a few. One I’m pretty sure died. A few I’ve just nipped some tails. One in particular stands out. I have these things called pedal cages. They’re supposed to get more out of each pedal stroke by keeping my feet from moving around too much. The downside of having something that keeps my feet from moving around too much is when you have a rat on your foot and your wearing shorts. It was late and I was on the Hudson River Bike Path. A rat darted out in front of me. I clipped his tail with my front wheel. The rat was surprised and jumped straight in the air and then he landed on my foot. We were both pretty surprised by how that worked out. I ended up riding about thirty yards with the rat on my foot clinging for dear life. Eventually I very carefully eased my foot out of the cage and flung that stupid stowaway as far as my legs would fling him.
We’ve hit a couple pedestrians. There was the giant bro who jumped into the bike lane as I was cruising through a green. I just clipped his dumb bro arm, but I flew off the bike and landed hard. I then proceeded to get up and call him a cunt. A lot of times. More times than I’ve ever called someone a cunt. I called him so many cunts in such an aggressive manner that a lady intervened. She was so moved by how much of an asshole I was that they went out to get a drink together. I’d like to think that those two crazy kids found a way to make it work in this mixed up world. Hopefully when they tell people how they met I'm a big part of the cute meeting story. Whenever anyone asks how they met they'll talk about the crazed asshole wearing a helmet and a silly reflective strap wrapped around his ankle that brought them together. Good luck you two oblivious morons!
Cops have been both a blessing and curse. I’ve been pulled over a few times for being in parks after 1:00 AM. I had to walk my bike over the West Side Highway because the officer who pulled me over wouldn’t let me continue the half a mile until the next exit off the bike path. But I guess it was my own fault for being there in the first place. Another personal favorite cop interaction is when I was passing peacefully through an intersection and a traffic cop decided start opposing traffic. I had the green, but he decided that traffic needed to get moving right now. I almost got hit by about ten oncoming cars. I stopped and casually screamed “what the fuck is the matter with you?’ He looked at me then looked at his partner and said “I’m hungry. I’m gonna go eat a sandwich in the car.” That cleared that up. Good work, New York’s finest.
I'll admit sometimes I wish she was faster or had a steel frame instead of aluminum. I'm sure sometimes she wished I was lighter and didn't screw up every time I tried my own maintenance. But all in all I wouldn't have done it with anyone else. Here's to at least ten thousand more.