Do you remember the first time Alanis Morisette told you what you ought to have known?
How about when you wept at the fact The Power Rangers wouldn’t save you from the savage attacks of your father?
All you wanted was Zack Morris to give you his phone so you could beat Screech to within an inch of his stupid “zoinks” saying life.
and whenever the police came over your cool uncle would hide his coke in your Popple
And you hated letting your cousin borrow your water snake because it would come back smelling… funny.
And Jim proved that we still had the only Belushi we needed.
You remember when men were men
and women were women
If you answered yes to most of these then for fucks sake get back to work. I mean, come on. You’re in your thirties. This kind of behavior just isn’t acceptable anymore. Listen, we hired you because I knew your dad, but enough is enough. Come Monday morning you, me, and HR really need to talk about your performance to date.