Saturday, April 25, 2015

My Left Foot: Bad Medicine

I busted my ankle a while back. I wrote about that a few weeks ago, and in case you’re curious it’s still broken. I don’t know for how much longer. I’m beginning to think forever. Who the hell knows.

Because I have a broken ankle I’ve been going to the doctor’s a lot. That’s what you’re supposed to to do. Unless you’re some kind of wild animal that just goes limping off into the woods and waiting for death to take you.

It sucks. There’s no two ways about it. When I was a kid I kinda wanted to break a bone. Those kids got all the attention and whatnot. I remember I got hit in the face with a hockey stick. Everyone thought my stitches were so badass. Then one day my stupid friend walked in with a broken leg and nobody gave a shit about my stupid chin stitches.
It's important to maintain a positive attitude while recovering.
That was when I was a kid though. If you get to high school without breaking a bone you should probably just not do that until you’re old and ready to do it on the way out. When you’re a kid you just want the attention. You don’t care why you’re getting the attention you just want people to pay attention to you. When you’re an adult the last thing you want is to be treated with pity, and when you're struggling with your dumb crutches that's all the attention you get. One nice thing about having walking trouble is you get to hangout with and learn just how angry the little old ladies are on the bus. If you’re ever sitting towards the back of the bus and curious what the old ladies with canes are saying in the front, they’re angry. And they’re talking about what a piece of shit you are for walking in front of them or not offering to help them.

Walking boot: Expensive and fucking worthless.
After about a billion weeks of using crutches my doctor prescribed a walking boot for me to use. I’m unable to walk in this thing, but what really gets me about the boot is the price. It was $75 for one. Shoe for shoe this is the most expensive shoe I’ve ever owned.  I know there are shoes that are expensive out there. But usually there are a lot of people that want to buy them and that shoots the price up. These are expensive because my doctor told me I had to buy it. They’re not cool like those shoes that cost a lot of money. They’re just plastic and velcro. There’s kind of a rounded bottom to make sure I don't stomp around and shatter my stupid ankle more, but that’s about it. I’m not paying top dollar because I needed the 2015s with a slightly different FDR silhouette on the side, and I had to wait in line all night in front of medical supply store to get the goods. It’s the most expensive shoe I’ve ever owned because it’s technically medicine. And calling something medicine gives you carte blanche to fuck the consumer to you heart’s content.

The only thing we have to fear is everything. Shit is fucked right now.

I have insurance. The boot isn’t covered by insurance, but I do have insurance which makes me lucky. I am glad I have insurance, and appreciate it for what it’s done. My doctor prescribed an MRI I don’t know what it did or why, but it’s crazy expensive and I didn’t have to pay for it.

Broken brittle bones? Come on down these shitty poorly lit stairs!

That being said, I don’t get some of it. Whether or not people have insurance I think clouds the debate over why we’re paying for what. I’ve been to the doctor five times. Insurance has covered all those. All I have to pay is my copay which is $20. I don’t know what my insurance is shelling out each time, but I can tell you they’re overpaying. They’re not getting their money’s worth because I can tell you that each of these visits aren’t worth the $20 I’m putting out there.

The whirring you hear from the MRI is it just grinding money into a pulp.

Yes, becoming a doctor is important and really tough. I wholly think they should be rewarded very well for what they do. I’m not entirely sure I know what’s been done so far. Every trip to the doctor’s has lasted about 6 minutes. I can’t point to anything my doctor has done that has necessitated more than a thank you and a five spot. The most he’s done is poked my ankle and asked me if it hurt. No offense doc, but I’m fully capable of hurting my ankle all on my own.

Worst part. The very worst. Not only are me and my faithful insurance company not getting our money’s worth. I think we might be getting screwed. Since I’ve been using crutches for the past forever both my shoulders are pretty worthless. By the time I’m walking normally I bet I’ll need to see some kind of arm specialist. And I bet he’ll be just as willing and deserving of my twenty.

2 comments:

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