I think of all the skills I have, the one I’m best at is watching Star Trek. And if it’s not what I do best, it’s certainly what I've done the most in my life. I like Star Trek. I have since I was in sixth grade. That was when I saw my first episode. My teacher made a joke about how red shirts always die first. Nobody laughed except for one nerd, but I still didn’t like that I didn’t get the joke. So later that night I noticed that Star Trek: The Next Generation was on. I remember the episode. It was The Game. In it, Wesley Crusher shows back up. I didn’t know who he was so he was just some dude to me at the time. He was wearing a red uniform so I thought that this guy was surely gonna die. Picard and Riker were also wearing red uniforms so I figured if nothing else a shit load of people would die, so why not give it a watch.
Spoiler alert: Nobody dies and it's not a great episode. Still, I took a couple things away from watching it. That night I learned that Star Trek fucking rules. Even though in retrospect The Game is a pretty shitty episode, it blew me away and all I wanted to do after that was watch more Star Trek. Given that nobody in a red shirt died I also learned that Mr. Jasinski was full of shit. I was already beginning to suspect that seeing as he also informed us one day that women were incapable of building muscle. When I asked him about female bodybuilders he told us that female bodybuilders don’t actually have more muscle than any other women, they just starve themselves to the point of looking like that. I would’ve called him on his horse shit, but I was twelve. So I didn’t.
Regardless of how dumb Mr. J happened to be I loved Star Trek from that day on out. I used to watch them every night. I would set up my VCR and record them and rewatch them the next day. When the final episode of TNG was on, not only did I tape it, but I carried it with me for weeks just in case anyone hadn’t seen it and wanted to. Few did.
I’ve been into other shit since, but the Trek was always there for me. I had the action figures, a transporter, a poster showing the schematics of Galaxy Class Starships, a shirt implying that I have graduated (or one day will graduate) from Starfleet Academy, and the novels. I read a lot of the shitty shitty novels. I also had a replica comm badge that got stolen by a lady at my junior high. My math teacher asked why I wasn’t wearing my “cool pin” anymore. I started crying and he went and got it back for me.
I’m not trying to brag about any of this. I’m just saying when it comes to Trek, I’ve put my time in. That being said there is a big blind spot in my Trek knowledge. I’ve never sat through all of The Original Series. TNG, DS9, and VOY I’ve seen every episode of multiple times each. Once through was enough for Enterprise, but I’ve seen them all. But I’ve only seen a handful of TOS episodes. I saw Star Trek 6 in theaters with my uncle and it's probably my favorite Star Trek movie. I've seen the rest of the TOS movies, but only a handful of episodes. Mostly due to them being a drag to watch. For starters Kirk sucks. The character is fine I guess, but Shatner is jus the worst. I have trouble listening to anyone who thinks that he's even worthy of cleaning Picard's fish tank. I know it's a fifty-year-old show and the effects need to be looked at through that lens, but just because there's a reason behind it doesn't make it any less cringe-worthy. I see what they were going for and I appreciate everything that it's led to, but really it's just not fun to watch. There are good parts. Spock is great. But really, the episodes I've watched have not been very good.
Whenever I watch a TOS episode I always end up thinking about a better episode of another series. So I usually turn it off and do that instead. So that’s what I’m going to do. Every week I’m going to watch an episode of TOS. When it sucks, which it probably will, I’ll write about a better one. I’ll keep this up until I run out of shitty episodes or when I get bored. If people read it, I guess I'll do other shitty episodes from other series. Season 1 of TNG has some real stinkers in it. Maybe a movie or two. Who knows! So that's Good Trek/Bad Trek. Tune in next Wednesday for the first one The Cage!