Friday, May 5, 2017

Good Trek / Bad Trek #18 The Squire Of Gothos

Intro: I’ve loved Star Trek since I was a kid. I started by watching TNG in 6th grade. I’ve been a fan since then and though I’ve spent a lot of time watching Stat Trek, I’ve never watched The Original Series. So, I’m watching and reviewing them as a fan of Star Trek, but one whose never seen any of them. So I’m watching all the TOS episodes for the first time and saying whether or not they suck. At the end, I give examples of better Star Trek to watch that remind me of this episode. That’s it. 

Happy Treko de Mayo. Yesterday was Star Wars day. I like Star Wars fine, but Star Trek 6 is better than any Star Wars movie that’s ever been made. That was also the first sci-fi movie I saw on the big screen, so maybe that has something to do with it. Who knows. Alright. Here we are with another Trek. These have been too long, right? Anything over five hundred words is probably too much Trek. I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep these a bit briefer. This is kind of dumb. There’s only so much Trek someone can read. Unfortunately, I can write a lot more Trek than most people can, or more importantly want to, read. I’ll try to keep these a bit more succinct. 


This week’s episode is The Squire Of Gothos. It was kind of a mess. The gang is cruising through a space desert. I don’t know what makes a space desert a space desert. I guess they get very little space rain there. They stumble on a planet and Sulu and Kirk disappears. Oh no! An abduction. An abduction most foul. Spock leads an away team with some sacks of shit and goes down to the surface to investigate. They find an old house, even though the should be completely deserted. Deserted on account of they’re in a desert. Turns out they’ve been kidnapped by what can only be described as a space dandy. He’s living in an old house that looks like it’s from 18th century France. 
Some people call me a space dandy

Their captor describes himself as the squire of Gothos. He toys with them because he seems to have complete control over matter of all sorts. He uses some weird machine to control everything. Then Kirk tricks him and destroys the machine. But that changes nothing and he can still control everything with his mind. They don't really explain that, but whatever. A little extra explaining ain't gonna fix this. He wants to destroy the Enterprise. He, of course, does not, because it’s only in the movies that they destroy the Enterprise time after time. Turns out he’s nothing more than a kid. His space parents come and promise Captain Kirk that he’ll get a good spanking and be sent to space bed without space supper.
Some call me an intergalactic fop

Good Trek

Not really. It was boring and dumb, and the space dandy was a terrible villain. I think the Carbomite Maneuver did it better. It was the opposite of that one. Instead of a powerful man who looks like a boy we get a powerful boy that looks like a man. 

Some people call me Maurice (pew! pew!)

I know there’s only so much sci-fi out there to do, but it seems shitty to have an episode that’s so similar to others thematically so soon. We get the planet where shit appears and disappears and some other force controls it. That happened in Shore Leave. That was only two episodes ao. Also, the powerful alien who treats the crew like pets is pretty much the plot of both the pilot and Menagerie. That was only 5 episodes ago. The Carbomite Maneuver was only six episodes ago. So if you're watching this in the sixties, you've watched this show the past four months and seen the same plot five times. 

This was supposed to be a revolutionary show. This was a groundbreaking show that trailblazing new ideas and seeking out new worlds and new civilizations. Why are we recycling shit already? It was lazy. How many goddam times do they plan on using this plot device? If they're already out of ideas how awful is the rest of the run? Why do other crews never run into all these space gods? Fuck this episode. 

Better Trek

Literally any of the episodes I just mentioned. Watch those instead. Except for Menagerie. Fuck that episode as well. 

Star Trek VOY: The Thaw

This was a pretty similar in terms of tone. However, the villain in VOY’s the clown is a much much better villain. He’s super good at being creepy. I like the ending where he has to confront his own mortality at the very end, that was some pretty good stuff. The space daddy has nothing on him. Plus he plays Charles Magill in Better Call Saul. 

Any Q episode

If you’re looking for a character who can manipulate just about everything around then you gotta go with Q. I’m not entirely even sold on the character. The whole idea of an omnipotent villain really seemed anti-sci-fi to me, but the character in John DeLancie’s hands is one of the best. He plays it so well, and he and Picard are so good together. Both of those are better Treks in my opinion. Because again, fuck this episode. 

So that's it. Happy Treko de Mayo. 

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