Friday, November 10, 2017

One Sexual Assault Closer To Comedy Greatness & Good Trek/Bad Trek #45 Discovery: Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum

Intro: I’ve loved Star Trek since I was a kid. I started by watching TNG in 6th grade. I’ve been a fan since then and though I’ve spent a lot of time watching Star Trek, I’ve never watched The Original Series. So, I’m watching and reviewing them as a fan of Star Trek, but one who’s never seen any of them. So I’m watching all the TOS episodes for the first time and saying whether or not they suck. At the end, I give examples of better and/or worse Star Trek episodes to watch that remind me of this episode. Usually, I ramble on about some bullshit before the Trek. That’s it.

Note: I think this one is more typo-riddled than usual. I'm okay with it. 

I don’t want to say anything about Louis CK. I don’t really want to not say anything either though. He’s in trouble. That happens when you show your dick to people who do not want to see your dick. I can’t say that I understand that desire. Not showing your dick to people who aren’t actively trying to see it seems like one of the easiest things to do. 

I don't want to say anything else about him. There are smarter people weighing in with better takes than anything I’d write. Read one of theirs. Usually, when dudes weigh in on shit like this it comes off as either pretty tone deaf or white knight posturing. I don’t know shit about anything having to go through with that. So, read someone else's opinion who does. 

The thing that is important to remember whenever a Cosby or CK is outed as a predator and taken down that comedy is a static market. There are only a certain number of opportunities and spots. There are currently 45 spots and there are roughly 97,000,000 comedians out there to fill those spots. Now that Louie is out of the picture we all move one step up. That’s good to know. I’ve sent all my avails to HBO for Night of Too Many Stars. It’s a fundraiser that Louie was supposed to perform on and now won’t be. I don’t even know what it’s raising funds for. I don’t give a shit. I just know that Louie was supposed to be there that night and that I’m probably free. One step closer to being America’s preeminent comedian. So by this rate, I’ll be first in line right around the time the sun burns out. I’m looking forward to the increased opportunities.

I guess the industry is starting to take notice too because this Saturday night I’ll be making my television debut. On roughly channel 2000. Every time a comedy legend falls and I move up one channel. If one established comic a year falls then I should be on TBS in one thousand nine hundred and fifty years. Depending on your cable listings. Check your local provider. Even though the spot was one for which I did not, nor will ever get paid for, I'd say things are looking up for those of us out there who don’t force people to watch us masturbate. In fact, things are looking so good that I kinda want to wave my dick around. But I won’t. On account of how good a guy I am. 

Last note before the Trek, if any of you have any stories about the remaining 89,000,000 comedians, now’s the time to come forward. Let’s bring them all them mother fuckers down. Let’s burn this bitch to the ground and then I can rise from the ashes. Reborn. But with dick firmly in pants. 

I’ll tell you what won’t be viewed as an abuse of power if you show it to someone and that’s this episode of Discovery. Here goes. 


We start out with a pretty sick looking battle. I’ve been liking all the time we’ve been spending not in actual war, but I’ll admit the war looks pretty goddamn good. The Discovery is trying to save another Federation ship that’s under attack. It doesn’t do it. The ship gets destroyed before Discovery can do anything and it’s sad. Also it looks like all these jumps are taking a toll on Lt. Stamets. He’s getting cranky on account of just watching a Federation ship get destroyed before his eyes. It turns out that Federation ships are having a difficult time adjusting to the cloaking devices. 

Meanwhile, on some planet, Saru, Burnham, and Tyler are hiking around a planet that has some crazy sonar going on all the time. They’re thinking that this new sonar will help them figure out how to figure out how to detect Klingon ships when cloaked because this planet makes a bunch of weird noises that could lead to a new kind of sonar detection. Saru has done gone nuts. The planet has gotten into his head and it’s caused him to go bananas. He’s talking to the planet and it’s driving him a bit batty. He’s decided that he wants to stay on the planet because it's in balance or whatever. They get to the giant crystal sonar thing. Which will help them, I guess. They don't explain it all that well. I have a feeling they'll get more into it in the finale.  
Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but YOUR SANITY!

Then on a Klingon ship, we’re getting to see what happened to the admiral who Captain Lorca left for capture. A Klingon is helping her escape. Or is she? Seems like this is definitely a trap. I guess it’s a shame for her that this is a prequel because had she seen more Star Trek before she’d know that this is definitely a trap. 

These are the main storylines that are going on. Admiral Left-for-dead and three of the four likable characters are on a mission. They both get resolved kind of. I don’t think that Admiral Left-for-dead is actually Admiral Dead. Yet at least. I could be wrong, but I think she’s waking up in the next episode and that’s going to be a cliffhanger for the finale. 

Good Trek?

Yeah. This one was pretty damn good. I didn’t love it the same way I did the previous two episodes. This seemed like a table setting episode. Putting all the pieces in place for next week’s finale. Now that the finale is almost here, I’m a little bummed. I know that’s how TV is done now, but it sucks that we’re only getting a nine-episode first season. I really thought it was supposed to be a lot longer. I'm pissed that it's almost over. Back in the old days, you’d get a couple dozen episodes per season. Yeah, some of them would suck, but who gives a shit. You get a lot of them. I want more. 

This is sick. If you disagree, you're a fool

The whole planet is alive is a pretty cool concept. And the fact that the Discovery crew has to protect the planet now that they’ve asked for help. 
Walking through a holo-rendering of someone you're
talking to is a real power move

I love this show. I started out being just okay with it. Then I started liking it. These last few episodes I’ve just loved them. I still have issues with it. But when I'm watching the show I forget all my qualms. It's so much fun and great at bringing you into the Trek world. Plus, the war looks sick. We can all agree on that. I was liking the fact that there was a movie before to this where the vacuum of space is rendered silent. Because from what science nerds have told me that’s how it would actually be like. They've spared no expense on the looks. Everything looks amazing. 
Their relationship, like so many of mine, is soon to be tested by differing
interpretations of the Prime Directive

This is the second to last episode and it was pretty damn good. Looking like they’re saving a lot of their tricks for next episode. 

Better Trek?

Next week is the season finale. If you want to watch anything watch the last couple episodes. Actually, watch the first six episodes. Let them sink in. Take a day. Really think about them. Then watch episodes 7 and 8. Have your goddamn mind blown. Then watch this episode and get ready for the finale on Sunday. That's it. 

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