Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Some bullshit about commercials & Good Trek/Bad Trek #69 Assignment Earth

Intro: I’ve loved Star Trek since I was a kid. I started by watching TNG in 6th grade. I’ve been a fan since then and though I’ve spent a lot of time watching Star Trek, I’ve never watched The Original Series. So, I’m watching and reviewing them as a fan of Star Trek, but one who’s never seen any of them. So I’m watching all the TOS episodes for the first time and saying whether or not they suck. At the end, I give examples of better and/or worse Star Trek episodes to watch that remind me of this episode. Usually, I ramble on about some bullshit before the Trek. That’s it.

If I had to pick a least favorite kind of commercial I’d be hard pressed. I guess I don’t have anything against commercials as a rule. I know that commercials are out there for a reason. They work. They get you to buy a company’s shit. Company’s need you to buy their shit. If you don’t, they stop being a company. Commercials are good at getting people to buy their shit. If you don’t think they work on you, you’re probably just too dumb to realize that they do at least a little bit. 

I’ve got two pet peeves when it comes to commercials though. When any actor I’ve heard shit on a previous project they’ve been involved in does a commercial I start thinking that actor is a douche. You can’t bitch about the integrity of whatever project you were in that didn’t live up to your artistic standards if you then are willing to pretend you’re very passionate about AT&T a week later. I don’t trust you. And now I don’t trust AT&T. 

It also pisses me off when I get advertised like three things in one commercial. I guess it’s all about synergy and whatnot, but I saw a commercial where a woman’s Amazon Alexa reminded her it was almost time to see Avenger’s Infinity War so she hopped in her Audi (or Lexus or whatever, I don’t remember what it was for because it was an ineffective and shitty commercial) and sped off to see the movie. Fuck that. You paid for thirty seconds. You get to sell me one thing. You’re overreaching and I resent it. That’s all I got for way of intro this week. I don’t know. Sorry. I’m gonna be in the woods of Northern Michigan for the next couple weeks. Then I’ll be telling jokes in lower Michigan for a couple weeks. If you’re around you should come and say hi. I’d appreciate it. Know what else I appreciated? This episode of Trek. It was called Assignment Earth, and I liked it. 


This is the last episode of season 2. It’s a time travel one. The Enterprise is orbiting 1968 Earth just observing. I’m sure something will go horribly wrong. It’s fucked just how cavalierly they treat time travel. Which is kinda impossible. And if it’s possible they should treat it with a little more gravitas than they do. Things go wrong almost immediately. Which is part of the problem with time travel. Shits always going wrong. Something beams aboard. Something or someone? It’s a someone. A dude clutching a black cat. This one is off to a bonkers start and we’re not even at the opening credits yet. 
So very nonchalant 

The guy said he needs to go to Earth because he’s been sent from another planet and he needs to go there to prevent Earth from destroying itself. Kirk isn’t buying it. The guy said he’s been living on a distant planet far more advanced than earth. He’s been there a bit and now the folks on that planet have sent him back to Earth to help them out. His name’s Seven. Gary Seven. Which is a pretty cool name. 
They're not back in time to prevent the formation of ISIS. That'd be nuts if they called that though

Gary Seven is here to make sure that a nuclear missile satellite doesn’t get launched into orbit. There are some platitudes about how the arms race is ridiculous. Which is a little silly but at the same time, I’m sure it was pretty ballsy to be shitting on the idea of having more advanced weapons than the Russians. Good on late 60’s Trek.

Gary Seven is here to check up on some of his secret agents who should have been hard at work preventing the nukes from being deployed. But oh no they were both killed in a car accident. So he’s got to do it himself. Kirk and Spock are trying to stop him because they still don't buy his story. He almost sabotages it before he's beamed away. The rocket launches. And that’s either good or bad. I don't know. Nobody knows. Gary Seven takes control over it briefly, but then he gets knocked out by his secretary after he finds his way back to his office. Dames, AMIRIGHT! 
Also how I feel about NYC most days

In the end, Kirk decides his story checks out and lets him destroy the satellite. Turns out that's what was supposed to happen because it's in the Federation history books too. Seems like they should've checked those before this all went down. But then it would've been a much shorter episode. 

Good Trek?

I liked this one. I don’t think it was my favorite, but all around solid. I’d definitely give this one a recommendation. It played out a lot different than I thought it would. I love a good time travel paradox. So the Enterprise fucked up the mission. Or was it always involved in this mission? Who’s to say. It's a paradox. 
Great shot

I like when they’re going on about what it is he could be coming back to prevent and Spock and Kirk are going through all the awful shit that the 60’s had to offer. We were always fucking shit up and gearing up for a nuclear holocaust so it could be anything. We, humans, are always hurtling towards destruction. Who knows what whacky stuff he was sent to prevent us from deploying. 

Why is Spock always being sent on these missions? He’s like the only alien on the ship. Yeah, he’s smart and I’m sure his insights are very valuable on a mission such as this. But it’s happened like five times that he’s had his stupid ears discovered and it’s led to issues. Maybe he stays on the ship next time and you just keep on calling him and getting his feedback. 
The cat turns into this woman for 5 seconds and it's never explained or addressed.

I feel Gary Seven is a big part of his own mess. You know, if the dude just explained what it is he was doing out there, that would have gone a long way to making everyone believe why he was there. They all could have checked the history books together and it would've been fine. A little trust goes a long way, secret agent Gary Seven. 

I knew the cat would end up being something but I was kinda hoping it wouldn’t. I liked the idea of the actor just making a very deliberate choice that his character would have a pretty weird relationship with an alien cat wearing a weird little silver scarf. And then it did and it was even weirder. With 90 seconds to go before credits roll the cat turns into a pretty lady. Then right back into a cat. It's not explained and it makes no goddamn sense and it's awesome. 

A quick word about Captain’s logs. How is he recording these? I know I’ve made this point before, but Kirk has a log where he just says that he and Spock are still in custody and that they’re powerless. Yes, you’re surrounded by folks. You’re under arrest. How is it you have the time and wherewithal to record this supplemental log. You didn’t ask the cops to give you your log recorder back. 

Better Trek? 

I’ve said to watch Trials and Tribble-ations before. It’s one of the best time travel ones. So watch it. But since I’ve said that one too many times I’ll say go with a two-parter Past Tense. Sisko, Dax, and Bashir get thrown back in time during a pivotal part of the social justice movement in 2024. Even though they’re not supposed to interfere with anything having to do with history, Sisko realizes that in order to preserve history as they know it he’ll have to step up and take an active role in what’s about to unfold. 

There’s also a solid VOY, Relativity, where Seven has to keep on jumping through various time period Voyagers and prevent a bomb from destroying the ship. There are some fun time travel points in that one too. Really, all three of these episodes are solid and worth a watch. Particularly if you like to hear a bunch of talk about what is and what isn’t meant to be and all sorts of fun talk about paradoxes. I dig that stuff. Even though again, time travel and the consequences are all treated really like nothing here. They shouldn’t keep doing this. At any point, they’re going to completely undo the future. It shows how frustrating it'd be to be someone charged with making sure Federation captains quit messing with the timeline. It'd have to get really annoying after a while of telling these folks to just knock it off and having them completely ignore you. 

That's it for this week. I'll probably be too busy being in the woods next couple of weeks. So that's it. 


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