Saturday, September 22, 2018

I'm in Michigan and Good Trek/Bad Trek #70 Spock's Brain

Intro: I’ve loved Star Trek since I was a kid. I started by watching TNG in 6th grade. I’ve been a fan since then and though I’ve spent a lot of time watching Star Trek, I’ve never watched The Original Series. So, I’m watching and reviewing them as a fan of Star Trek, but one who’s never seen any of them. So I’m watching all the TOS episodes for the first time and saying whether or not they suck. At the end, I give examples of better and/or worse Star Trek episodes to watch that remind me of this episode. Usually, I ramble on about some bullshit before the Trek. That’s it.

I was in Michigan when I started this. Then I forgot to finish it. Now I’m back in New York. The internet is crazy, right? Today is Saturday. Come to Featherweight in Brooklyn Sunday at 8 and/or Coco 66 in Brooklyn Monday at 8:30 hear some sick jokes. But before that check out this sweet sweet blog. 

I'm in Michigan right now. (editor’s note: Again, not anymore) Which is fun for the most part. I've been kicking around here for a while. Like they say when you're ordering food. You have to make sure that you're eyes aren't bigger than your stomach. You have to do that as well with trips to Michigan. That's a lot of time to spend in a place where you no longer actually live. 

I'm not staying in my old bedroom because there's not a bed in there anymore. But I've stopped by. And boy, the memories. If those walls could talk they'd probably say "hey, look. The guy who used to masturbate all the time is back!"

I woke up in a dog bed one morning I was here. I've been sleeping in my older sister's old room. Because in my old room there's nothing but some junk, an old dog bed, and the remnants of an old pillow. I've never really been a sleepwalker. But I sleepwalked (slept walk?) from my sister's old room and the very human bed I was sleeping in, to my old room. Where I curled up. Like a dog. Into the dog bed. 

So I'm treating this less like a trip home and more like a dry run for when I inevitably have my nervous breakdown. Which, is not the same as the movies would have you believe. It's almost become a romantic comedy trope where a guy in his thirties goes back to his hometown because he's poor and sad and then immediately gets to fuck Kirsten Dunst. The reality is a lot sadder. Also, there's a lot less of The Shins. Nothing against them. Just not my faves. 


Here it is Spock’s Brain. This is supposed to be one of, if not the worst episode ever. The Enterprise is being intercepted by a strange ship. Being intercepted by a strange ship most foul. Everyone is pretty impressed by it. Because it's powered by ions. I don't know why we're supposed to be impressed by it. It's like the science fiction within science fiction I guess. That's what they watch shows about. They tool around the galaxy on a anti-matter powered warp drive, which sounds pretty nuts, but they're all drooling over the prospect of a ship that runs on ions. I'm not saying it's not cool, but still.
These nerds might know a lot about spaceships, but they don't know shit about gloryhole operation

A female beams aboard the Enterprise and knocks the entire crew out. When they wake up, everyone is fine. Everyone except Spock. Who now does not have a brain. So there’s that. They only have a certain amount of time before his body won’t work. Turns out he’s being used to power a planet or something dumb like that. McCoy uses some crazy contraption and uses the knowledge to put it back in. The women of the planet are pretty bummed they won’t have a brain to rule their planet. Kirk tells them that they’re going to have to make nice with the savage race of men who live on the surface. It’s all really weird. 

Good Trek?

This is supposed to be one of the worst episodes ever. And I'm almost bummed that it wasn't. It was really just okay. The whole episode was just there. I don’t even know what to criticize about it. I'm not saying there's nothing to criticize about it. I wasn't even invested enough to really criticize it. It's bad Trek. But not even fun bad Trek. It's worse than that. It's boring Trek. The worst kind of Trek. 

Scotty's hair looks really weird

Not only is Spock's Brain the name of a notoriously bad episode of Trek. This one. But I guess Spock’s Brain is also the name of a song by the band Phish. So in addition to watching this stinker, I also listened to the Phish song. 

Good Phish?

It’s okay. Not really for me. If you’re a Phish fan then I’m sure you like it. I’m not and I don’t really. I didn’t find it offensive anything. Just kind of there. It was also just kinda there. For six minutes I listened to the song and I felt nothing. So, that's probably why they named the song after this episode. 

"My name's Buck, and I like to fuck!"

So good Phish or bad Phish? I’m not really phamiliar with Phish. I had one of their albums that I listened to a couple of times. It wasn’t really for me. I also had one of their patches which I wore before I'd bought an album. Because I was a poser. I say don’t listen to the song Spock’s Brain instead listen to St. Stephen of The Grateful Dead’s Live Dead. It’s a sick album and that might be my version of my favorite Dead song. 

And watch The Magnificent Ferengi instead of this garbage. Some people have issues with Ferengi led episodes, but I’m not one of them. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some stinkers out there. Profit and Lace is very very bad Trek. But The Magnificent Ferengi is great. Funny and engaging and you get to see characters that aren’t often depicted as the most heroic be the heroes for an episode. Plus, you get one of the greatest Trek cameos of all time, one Mr. Iggy Pop plays a Vorta. 

So, that's it for this week. Hopefully the rest of season three is better or worse than this one.